Saturday, 22 December 2007


This Is something that has been playing on my mind for a while now, You know the old saying "better out than In"? Well.... here goes. At this time of year, when we are all getting festive, busily doing our cards, shopping, baking etc. There always seems to be someone, somewhere who has reached so far down, there can be no return for them. I get so frustrated and just want to do something to find these people and beg them to rethink. It always seems to be such an impossible task that has ended so tragically for some of my friends, One in particular, a very good friend indeed and It shook my world to hear that he hung himself just over a year ago. Totally out of the blue. He was such a gentle caring person. Depression Is such a cruel and hard battle. From my own personal experience a while back, at that time, the feelings were overwhelming and the want and the desire to stop It all, were massive. So easy to shut off, curl up and sneak off.

I was lucky. I'm here.  What about the rest of the people out there? There are always things thrown at us, that makes us feel unbearable grief, and then, just when we think It can't get much worse...It does! It gets you again and sometimes again after that. A few very wise people guided me through some pretty awful times, with little sayings and thoughts that I would grab hold of and ponder on for ages. There are choices, we all know that. Everyone has their own personal demons to face throughout their lifetime and I believe we are all here for a reason and we are all tested. Mind though, Whoever wrote the test paper for that one ought to be smacked round the ears really hard! lol.

I am a firm believer that you can only reach total rock bottom once in your life. You may come close again, but strength and determination and many other factors seem to take the reigns, like family and friends etc. Without sounding like some kind of preacher, I, empathise with anyone who feels so low, at this time of year especially, and I, urge anyone In this position, to reach out to someone who can help. There Is always someone, somewhere, who knows and recognises those same thoughts. Christmas can be what you make It. If you need someone, Please, I urge you. Take  just one step and speak out. Writing in a journal can be such a boost so go on, give It a go, You have nothing to lose!

I would finally like to share this poem with you all, as I think It speaks volumes and hope It can show anyone else in this position, that they are not alone. I am especially proud, that my sister who has been battling depression has written this. It's absolutely beautiful, and Sheila? for each day that passes, You will get stronger and happier and more confident. Well Done. Lots of Love. Your wee sis Pam xx  

It is always darkest before the dawn

When all around is confusion and no-one understands
The blackness becomes tempting free from every sound

Gently floating softly towards a warmer place
stress, strain and worry no longer etch your face

Then quietly creeps in morning the blackness starts to fade
the sun shines brightly and youre suddenly in shade

As seratonin balances the darkness of your mind
the hope for the future is easier to find

So when you think life's over and you would like to slip away
remember mental illness is like the light of day

Strength to travel through the night will bring its own reward
It's always darkest before the dawn believe me, I am right.

Sheila Richardson
Copyright ©2007  SheilaRichardson


jeanno43 said...

Yes, I have been there many times but my faith keeps my going and the love of a wonderful family.  I always think at Christmas of those alone, those depressed, those on the streets, those who feel desperation.  Christmas can be an awful time for many. God bless them all.

wwfbison said...

I love the poem you've put on ~ I will remember this one.  Although I may be feeling "blue" I do have my husband here, I cannot imagine how hopeless and difficult it is for someone who may be alone, I mean truly alone.  My Prayers go out each night to them ~ I know what the darkness is like.   Very nice entry.

andrewfrnd said...

The paragraph of that poem is so very true, it is always darkest before dawn. Fortunately I have never reached bottom but at least a coupleof people i have worked with over the years have ended there lifes in tragic circumstances. If only we could all reach out and be there for one another.

jimandsheilar said...

I have the love of my lttle sis to help me face each day. xx (I also adore my niece)

irvine2 said...

HI Pam
My young brother hung himself this year he was the baby of the family and I feel we should have seen something was wrong But  as is usual in large families we had all fallen out with each other after my mums death  and I suppose were all wrapped up in our own anger and grief that we failed  to spot any danger signs that might have been there. He never left a note  but as he was dysleysic he probably felt any note he wrote wouldnt look right. When I re read this  I feel appaled that I as the oldest  oculdnt have done somthing about it I am afraid I dont believe in a here after but I hope for his sake  there is one  because if there is it will be a happoer place for him being in it. So I agree with you we must reach out to those whom we think are heading down that awfull road because  the ones who are left behind  must walk a darker road for the rest of their lives. So good luck to you and to your sister  whom you stilll have  keep her close  and safe because there's no righting a sistuation which I found myself in no what ifs, or if only's only sorrow and heartbreak and the lonely road ahead
                            Brian xxx

mortonlake said...

 just  having  quick  read            and  saw  this.    very  true,ive  been  there.    and  it's  black.    but       i  managed  to  pull  through,      a  lovely  entry.   all  my  best  wishes  for  xmas             mort.  xx

jmoqueen said...

That poem is lovely thank you for sharing this.  I feel very sad to read about your friend.  My bessie mate has been suffering with depression this year but she tells me I am the only person who can make her laugh out loud.  I find it hard to try to be cheerful for her all the time but know I must be there to help her :o)


ma24179 said...

I think this is a beautiful entry that was written. I also have a friend who hung herself when I was in a group home, I was 15 and she was 17. It really scared me. I mean, I kept think what about if I get that bad? I have thought about it many times but I know I never will do it. Life is sooo hard sometimes but I have my escape when I sleep. That is mercy enough for me. I think your sister did a wonderful job on her poem it really hit  home. -Missy