This Is something that has been playing on my mind for a while now, You know the old saying "better out than In"? Well.... here goes. At this time of year, when we are all getting festive, busily doing our cards, shopping, baking etc. There always seems to be someone, somewhere who has reached so far down, there can be no return for them. I get so frustrated and just want to do something to find these people and beg them to rethink. It always seems to be such an impossible task that has ended so tragically for some of my friends, One in particular, a very good friend indeed and It shook my world to hear that he hung himself just over a year ago. Totally out of the blue. He was such a gentle caring person. Depression Is such a cruel and hard battle. From my own personal experience a while back, at that time, the feelings were overwhelming and the want and the desire to stop It all, were massive. So easy to shut off, curl up and sneak off.
I was lucky. I'm here. What about the rest of the people out there? There are always things thrown at us, that makes us feel unbearable grief, and then, just when we think It can't get much worse...It does! It gets you again and sometimes again after that. A few very wise people guided me through some pretty awful times, with little sayings and thoughts that I would grab hold of and ponder on for ages. There are choices, we all know that. Everyone has their own personal demons to face throughout their lifetime and I believe we are all here for a reason and we are all tested. Mind though, Whoever wrote the test paper for that one ought to be smacked round the ears really hard! lol.
I am a firm believer that you can only reach total rock bottom once in your life. You may come close again, but strength and determination and many other factors seem to take the reigns, like family and friends etc. Without sounding like some kind of preacher, I, empathise with anyone who feels so low, at this time of year especially, and I, urge anyone In this position, to reach out to someone who can help. There Is always someone, somewhere, who knows and recognises those same thoughts. Christmas can be what you make It. If you need someone, Please, I urge you. Take just one step and speak out. Writing in a journal can be such a boost so go on, give It a go, You have nothing to lose!
I would finally like to share this poem with you all, as I think It speaks volumes and hope It can show anyone else in this position, that they are not alone. I am especially proud, that my sister who has been battling depression has written this. It's absolutely beautiful, and Sheila? for each day that passes, You will get stronger and happier and more confident. Well Done. Lots of Love. Your wee sis Pam xx
It is always darkest before the dawn
When all around is confusion and no-one understands
The blackness becomes tempting free from every sound
Gently floating softly towards a warmer place
stress, strain and worry no longer etch your face
Then quietly creeps in morning the blackness starts to fade
the sun shines brightly and youre suddenly in shade
As seratonin balances the darkness of your mind
the hope for the future is easier to find
So when you think life's over and you would like to slip away
remember mental illness is like the light of day
Strength to travel through the night will bring its own reward
It's always darkest before the dawn believe me, I am right.
Copyright ©2007 SheilaRichardson