Monday, 10 November 2008

Swings and Roundabouts


Hello everyone, I have had a rather rotten time of it lately, hence the delay in posting any new entries. I lost one of my clients to a sudden death and I was shocked to the core. I spent a whole day crying constantly trying to get my head round the sad news. A beautiful lady with such a wonderful outlook on life. I decided to go to the funeral. I felt very alone as I walked into the church hoping to slip into the back seats and was totally taken aback at the packed church!.

I have never seen anything like it before. that spoke volumes to me about the lady I had been caring for on a daily basis. The service was beautiful. Very funny in parts. I held it together by singing as loud as i could and praising myself inwardly. I decided against the next part and slowly walked home feeling very strange. You know that when someone is poorly, you go on the journey with that person. On this particular occassion it was so unexpected and it will take me a wee while to get back on my feet properly. I will never forget her and keep our laughter together very close to me.

On the afternoon that I was told the sad news, I also had my 12 week appraisal with my boss. I got some good advice from her on coping with greif and was thrilled to be told, I had been given brilliant feedback from my clients and I had definately passed with flying colours. I was given my new blue uniform and a cosy winter fleece, An amazing moment was tainted with such sadness as I wanted to tell my lady my good news and of course show her my uniform. I do, though,talk to her and have done so,every day and I am sure if one more person in the street catches me talking to myself, I will surely be carted off! lol.

So, life for me at the moment is all swings and roundabouts. One blink and everything can change. I raise my coffee to my lovely lady and know in my heart she is doing just fine. Take Care, Back Soon. xx

21 comments:

a corgi said...

(((Pam))) I'm so sorry; this must have been so hard to deal with then when you heard the news as well as now; you are in such a compassionate work that you do; unfortunately I believe you will be touched by people's passings again; I'm glad that your supervisor gave you an excellent review and kind words to help you deal with the loss of this woman; she seemed like a wonderful lady and I'm so glad you decided to attend the funeral; I think there's so closure there; you are such a kind loving person, no wonder all your clients love you!!! take care of yourself and just continue being you; your love and care for your clients is what they need at this point in their lives (((Pam)))

betty

Rose said...

Words are poor things when we suffer the loss of someone we care about dearly. Still I want to convey my desire, however inadequate, to offer consolation.

Hugs, Rose

Lisa said...

I'm sorry you lost your dear friend (I can see she was much more than a "client" to you) - how sad.

On a brighter note, congratulations on your success in your job. Your clients obviously adore you and your expression of sadness over the loss of this fine lady tells me you are such a thoughtful & caring soul. I can say without a doubt you touched the heart of the departed and I'm sure she was thankful to have you in her life. Take care of yourself.
xxxx

Yasmin said...

I worked as a care worker for a while, and it's so sad when you lose them, especially those that rarely have visitors, it's easy to get attached (I always did). and congrats on passing your assessment and glad that you have found something you enjoy.

Take care

Yasmin
xx

Jeannette said...

I am sorry you lost your friend suddenly. I know what that feels like and it takes time to get over.

Lucy said...

I am so sorry Pam. I hope it is getting easier for you now. Amazing isn't oit how attatched we get. I did hospice care after my son died for a while but got into it to soon. Had to stop for my own self at that time. Luicy

Searching for Peace said...

I am very sorry about your loss. ((HUGS)) I am very sure that you brightened up her life just being there for her. ...hugs , Christine

Dannelle said...

Your sweet friend will be putting in a good word for you! Cherish the good times you had with her and know you were a comfort to her. Dannelle

Andy said...

I think death is something that is undefinable in feelings-it affects people in so many different ways.

Paula said...

So sorry for your loss.

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Congrats on a great review :o)

The challenge is to be able to get past the difficulty of them passing. Keep up the good work, and never become numb to the feelings.

Barbara said...

So sorry for the loss of your client. All really good care givers can't help but get attached and feel loss. Hopefully this dear woman has the best Caregiver of all now and will never know another days pain or illness.

Missie said...

You wouldn't be a good care giver if you didn't feel sad when a client passed away! Sending you hugs.

mortonlake said...

hello lovely friend of mine. you are in a job that is going to cause you grief.you are a lovely caring person,so you mourn. i am not going to tell you not to take it to heart,because you are like me. caring. im proud to call you friend pam. bet ya look good in the new uniform. take care,lots of love , mort xxxxxx love the look of your journal

Indigo said...

I'm sorry to hear this news hon. I know she knew how much you meant to her. It wouldn't hurt if she hadn't cherished her so. Take the time to grieve, I'm here for you. I'm also proud of you for passing your accessment with flying colors. (Hugs)Indigo

ADB said...

That is very sad news indeed, Pam, but I was pleased to note that many attended her funeral service. Post when you feel like it.

Guido

Sherry said...

My heart and prayers are going out to you and remember she will always be with you , in your heart and hey I talked to myself all the time I call it intelligant conversation lol or survival hehe have a great day sweety sending you lots of hugs
Sherry
http://onebiteonestepatatime.blogspot.com/

Lori said...

I'm so sorry about the sudden death of one of your clients. I think it must be a very hard thing to be able to work with people who are critically ill and still stay sane. Hope you're doing well today.

Jan said...

I am so sorry to hear this Pam and can so relate to it ,it happened to me many times I was a carer too ,and as I gave them their final wash it would often be with my tears ,Keep her close in your heart ..love Jan xx

Slacker Mom said...

I hope you are feeling better some~And I agree with the person above that said....."You wouldn't be a GOOD caregiver, if you didn't feel"...

I'll be keeping you in my thoughts, Pammie!

Sending hugs across the pond!

Jeannette said...

Well done for winning sentence of the week.