HOPE & POSITIVITY

Hello Everyone, Hope you are all well. I have been away while again and not had a chance to catch up with you all. I got my appointment through for the big hospital and travelled a good distance to see the Consultant. the whole visit lasted 10 mins!!. I have been feeling rather strange since then but I am quite sure It Is all normal reactions.
He said It was very clear on my M.R.I. that one of my discs In my spine has slipped and he Is almost certain that this Is what has been causing my arm pain. Fabulous to have an answer but a cure? Hmmm not quite as Fabby. I need an operation and was asked If I would be free between xmas and new year to which I answered very bravely yes!
I have had many things running through my mind, the anaesthetic Itself has had me freaked and obviously the thought of any mistakes! One wrong move and I am paralysed! I have named my entry Hope & Positivity because I need to hold on to both of these goodies! lol. My 40th Is on the 19th Jan and I really want to be okay for then.
I keep reminding myself that there are loads of people so much worse off than me. I have almost all Xmas Presents bought and wrapped, only a few bits and pieces. I am determined to try my best to enjoy the big day Itself. My Mister Man Is fine, The bike Is all tucked up for the Winter and My Little Treasure Is still every Inch the model Teenager!I will be back as soon as I can. I send you all Best Wishes and every happiness for a Fabulous Xmas and Fantastic 2010. Take Care, Back Soon, Love Pam.xx

Not Quite Right!

Hello Everyone. I was just thinking back to my very first entry Saturday Night Glass In Hand! and have really felt I have come a long way. I am not sure If, however, this Is such a good way!. Having an 'off' day today I think! I went for my hospital appointment on Thursday and have been a bit dazed and even dopey since then. I was seeing the Rheumatologist who turned out to be lovely. I was so sure I would be In and out her wee room and be told It was the Bulging Disc In my neck causing all the problems, that I went by myself. Silly mistake!

After an examination I listened Intently as she started going through the possibilities of what was wrong with me. I have to get several more tests to confirm one of them. Psoriatic Arthritis was the 1st on the list. I was to leave her room and go and get bloods done and x- rays of my hands and feet, then go to the pharmacy to get stronger medicine. The next possibility was Carpel Tunnel Syndrome. I heard the words mri scan to be arranged for my left hand and an appointment with a podiatrist and O.T. to get splints for my hands at night! There would be an appointment made for me to see a nerve specialist, this will be In the same department as the 1st specialist I am waiting to go see but this person will do something different!

I forced myself to try and remember as much as possible of what was being said to me as I sat there with my head spinning. I asked If this could not all be because of my neck ad was told no. So, there I was lost, after leaving her wee romm, now wandering the hospital armed with all this stuff to go to all the different places and I felt very alone and really scared and very sore where she had examined my arm and had lifted It high to the side.

I held In the tears and clutched my 'Yours' Magazine. I sat In the room waiting on the phlebotomist to come take my blood and I flicked through the pages and found Janes' story. I looked at the pictures and was just about to flood the ward when I was taken! I decided It best to wait until Home before looking at anything else. Jane, I felt you beside me In that hospital along with your strength and determination. If you are selling any I'm first in the queue!!

I don't know what will happen to me now. My hands and feet are failing me and I am 39. yes I am feeling a wee bit sorry for myself today, a wee bit annoyed and even more so, I am frustrated, as I don't know what my future will hold, but I do know one thing, At the moment I HAVE a future come what may and for that I am very grateful. I will have my tears and get them out the way and then get ready to tackle this as best as I can. Apologies for not getting round your journals. I am here and will keep posting when I can. If ever anyone needs me, mail me at classdiamond@aol.com, If I can help at all, I will certainly do my best. Take Care, Back Soon, Love Pam. xx

Almost the Big 4-Oh!

Hello Everyone, I just want to firstly say 'Lisa, Get well soon, I am thinking of you'. Isn't It funny how nobody mentions all the rotten Illnesses we all seem to get when we reach a certain milestone! I am now just 4 months away from that scary pair of numbers. The dreaded big 4-0h! lol. Funny though, that you can be put through such an emotional rollercoaster at the 'fear' factor In everything and still carry on as normal at the other side of It all! I have worried myself sick over the silliest of things and panicked at the silliest too. Grey hair? och so what! I have been dying my hair for years, surprised I still have hair to worry about! Then the ' No more kids moments' Am I mad? I have a Teenager!!!!!! Then the retirement worry of being poor? Hey... I've always been poor! so that won't make a difference.

I have, and continue to battle with my self conscience on a daily basis about silly worries. Apparently this Is normal when approaching middle age! I have the 'Regret' pangs too like why wasn't I a Millionaire Winner? then I could have fullfilled my wishes to all my friends to help them. I know and believe that there is a reason for everything, (would like to haggle with the big man up there about the last one though! lol.) I feel I have had a wee test of endurance of late and have managed to stay relatively sane! I had a wonderful reprieve from the Bowen therapy treatment but unfortuanely It was short lived. My mri showed a Bulging Disc In my neck which Is pinching a nerve causing the constant pain In my left arm. My back and neck feel strange and sore and at times I was ready to throw in the towel. I have been signed off work for a few weeks, taking It easy and I must admit sitting still, filled with painkillers really helps!

I have to get a brain scan this Friday which I am dreading. I hate anything like that! I just hope they find my brain! lol. I am going back to work next week. My boss has been great and I will be taking It very easy. I am like a caged animal In this house! displaying 'snappy croc' & 'Growly Bear' syndrome!! lol. Pain has a way of dragging you through all your emotions and making you address them all at the one time!. I had 3 days In a row of almost pain free moments which was fabulous. I get up with Pins and needles in my hands and feet and then the joint pain in my fingers on my left hand slowly starts. I will be seeing a neurologist and a rheumatologist very soon. Need to rule out Arthritis. As for the Bulging Disc? I have read up on It and It could be special excercises or surgery. It has been some experience though. Hopefully I can be repaired! lol. Anyway I will quit moaning because that is all thats wrong with me. I am very grateful for that. To everyone experiencing constant pain, my heart goes out to you. May you find a way to ease this burden. On a happier note we have a new addition to our family In the form of... wait for it.... a Hamster!!!

My nephew asked If we could rehome her as his friend needed her to go asap. I, of course In all my wisdom said yes! I have 3 cats and of course I said yes! My daughter now has Rambo in her room. yes you read that bit right, they called this cute adorable little Girl 'Rambo'! We have had several hamsters before and I have Introduced them to the cats, who get a stern talking to at the meeting about how this Is the 'baby' and how they are not to go near! They have all met rambo now and have given me filthy looks as If to say 'oh no, not another one!' lol, I could never trust them alone with a hamster though, so It Is back to strict rules. Obsessive Closed Door sydrome! lol. Right, I have surely almost written a novel so I will go now and get some breakfast. Take Care, Back Soon. Love Pam. xx

Feeling Guilty

Hello everyone. I am so sorry for being away so long. I know i wrote that at the beginning of the last entry but It Is truly sincere...again! lol. Where have I been? California?..No. Australia?..No. In fact I haven't been anywhere. Just here working away trying to find a way to boost my Income has been my project for a wee while now. I decided to start looking Into Ebay & have now started selling bits & bobs. Mainly Clothes Bundles. I have been very busy listing the Items & taking pictures etc. What a buzz when somebody bids on one of your Items! I found myself almost falling off my seat, squealing with excitement when I got a 99p bid!. lol. I have almost calmed down a bit now!!!. Anyone wanting a wee peek at my Items will need to email me for details. (hint hint) lol.

My story that I was writing was put on the back burner for a bit, as I stupidly took a couple of negative comments to heart and felt like I was wasting my time. I know that I will go back to It when the time is right. I have another exciting project In the pipeline & hope to be sharing that soon too. I was off work recently for a month, with what seemed to be a trapped nerve in my neck, which caused terrible pain in my left arm. I Thought I was having a stroke! Got a rather large fright that day, I tell you. I was in hospital for the day only which was good. My B.P. was through the roof!. I went to see my good friend the week after and I secretly knew she would fix me, as she Is a Bowen Therapist. Miracle Worker In my eyes. Please look Into the concept for an alternitive pain reliever. Especially anyone experiencing constant pain.

My Family are all okay. Mister Man Is away on a bike tour today so I am enjoying eating chocolate and not having to make coffee every 5 mins! lol. My wee treasure is fine. I haven't nailed her ears to the wall yet....(Teenager! remember? lol) My 'Bairns' are all fine. Oscar is sound asleep, quite possible full up from eating half my plant!, G has fallen In love with my new (luxury kinda expensive)bed set and now thinks he Is a Lord! & Purdie Is an old lady ... when it suits her, usually during the day, at night she becomes a wild cat/kitten racing round the house having a total carry on!. I wrote my title for today's entry after a little thought. I do feel guilty at not being on here more and for not being here to support my friends more. For Jane ( A journey of another kind.... ) & Mort (caring and sharing) & all you others battling away, I am always here If you need me. A special message For Val, Joann, Lisa, & Guido for nudging me along to come back here again... Thank You. I must now, however go and start cooking that dinner before Mister Man arrives. There Is nothing quite like the smell of a Roast Sunday dinner wafting through the house, Let's hope I remember the oven! lol. Take Care, Back Soon. xx

One Happy Birthday Girl

Well. Hello Everyone. Its me at last! I hope you have all had a fabulous New year so far. For anyone that I didn't send an email to wishing them well, I apologize and am sorry for being away for so long.
I took a mad turn and decided to write a book! lol. I have taken a breather to pop on here and say hello and share my happy day. I know a lady should never say her age but I am cool about it....I think!!! lol. 39 today and It has been such a great day. Next year will be a different story! lol.

I got lovely cards and brilliant presents. Mister man was a superstar making me a cooked breakfast and Roast Dinner for our evening meal. He bought me an mp3 player and gave me a cool book. I got loads of cool stuff like flowers and chocs and was thoroughly spoilt all day. I think this has been the best birthday in many years. I am looking forward to a busy day tomorrow at work as I will be jigging along the pavement, singing, looking like a right plonker!! lol. Hope you are all well in your wee worlds. Miss you all. My babies are doing fine. G is growing by the day and no longer goes out all night. The weather doesn't agree with him so he swings on the front door handle after a couple of hours outside!!! We now put him out at 9pm.

Oscar is still the sookiest baby going and loves his mama. Purdie is ageing graciously and sleeps quite a lot, when she is awake the other 2 know their place! she also soon wakens right up if there is a can of tuna opened! lol. Wee treasure is doing well at school. We are having to do excercises twice a day for her ankle and were told the other day that it will be a minimum of 6 months before we see a difference. A badly fallen arch needs corrected. Trying to get a teenager to do anything is so hard!! lol. I am laying down the law on this one as, her walking properly is a priority. loads of arguments especially about footwear go on in this house. I am surprised you don't all hear us! lol.

Mister man has chilled out somewhat and has turned his attention to motorbikes. I, too share this passion so we are definitely on the same wavelength. I think that is you all brought up to speed on the latest adventures in my world. Must go and do a wee quiz now on king.com before my bath It's so addictive, I love it! Take Care, Back Soon. xx